“Daddy, stop!…. You’re hurting mummy.”
When 37-year-old Kate’s two children witnessed her husband grab her throat and threaten to push her down the stairs, she knew she had to leave the volatile relationship. After years of coercive control that had now extended to physical violence, Kate was now in a potentially life endangering situation. As her husband’s hands stifled her breathing, she realised that she was just like the patients she had supported through their own domestic violence situations.
Over the years, her husband’s behaviour had escalated. He was checking on her constantly. He had isolated her from family and friends. He had taken control of the family finances leaving her with zero independence. When the emotional control escalated to physical violence, Kate took the first steps to leave the marriage. Not knowing which way to turn, she decided to contact MBA.
By the time Kate met with our social worker, she and her children were already showing signs of trauma and needed psychological support. She was fearful for their lives, filled with shame and had no clear pathway out. Due to the severity of the situation, MBA’s social worker provided emergency safety planning to protect Kate and her children. They discussed the various options. As Kate wasn’t ready to involve the police, the social worker and Kate worked on a contingency plan to ensure she and her children could get to safety, if the violence re-escalated. Often, with no way out of a turbulent relationship due to the level of physical and emotional control, victims feel they have no option but to stay, with potentially devastating consequences.
Disturbingly, Kate’s situation is not unique. The number of doctors experiencing gaslighting, coercive control and physical and sexual violence is estimated to be at least one in ten. Another avenue of support Kate received from her MBA social worker was referral to a lawyer to obtain guidance on her rights. Threatening Kate that she’d never gain custody of the children had been a significant method of control exhibited by her husband. Understanding her rights gave Kate the strength to leave.
Family Violence and Domestic Violence doesn’t discriminate and doctors are certainly not immune. The victim isn’t always female, and it can happen between intimate partners or other family members. Sadly, a doctor can sometimes be the perpetrator. Ongoing violence between family members can cause PTSD, feelings of shame, ongoing stress and anxiety, and lead to physical harm, and, in severe cases, death. MBA provides a safe and non-judgmental space. We are here to listen and support doctors confidentially through such a crisis.
Thankfully, Kate and her children were able to action the plan to safety. MBA was there to provide the money to pay the bond, rent and family living expenses for the three months that Kate wasn’t able to work. This enabled her to settle the family into a new school and housing. MBA also referred her to an independent Financial Counsellor, so that Kate could learn new tools to manage her finances moving forward.
Please can we count on your support today so we can continue to help doctors like Kate when they need it the most? Your tax-deductible donation is easy to make and will help give doctors experiencing family violence and their children a safer future.
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